KOHLER, WISCONSIN—In a shocking revelation that has left hardworking Americans across the heartland in disbelief, Kohler's CEO, K. David Kohler, has confessed to never using toilets, igniting a firestorm of controversy and questioning his commitment to American values. The heart of America's plumbing industry is now facing a crisis that strikes at the core of our homes and traditions.
Kohler's Integrity Questioned: CEO's Startling Admission
CEO K. David Kohler's admission that he shuns toilets has sent shockwaves through Kohler, Wisconsin, and beyond. His failure to embrace a fundamental aspect of American households raises concerns about his connection to the values cherished by hardworking families.
Defending American Bathrooms: Kohler's Damage Control Efforts
Kohler's swift efforts to contain the fallout from the CEO's controversial statement emphasize the importance of toilets in American homes. Assistant director of public relations, Diane McCardle, stressed the CEO's alleged admiration for toilets, despite his personal aversion, highlighting a troubling disconnect between the executive and the everyday American experience.
Reaffirming American Toilet Traditions: Kohler's Apology Video
Amidst the turmoil, Kohler released an apology video showcasing the CEO, smiling and endorsing Kohler products while using one of the very toilets he purportedly avoids. This attempt at reconciliation underscores the indispensable role toilets play in preserving American hygiene and comfort.
America Stands for Toilets: Upholding Our Values
The sanctity of American bathrooms is a cornerstone of our way of life. Kohler's CEO's disregard for this essential fixture challenges the principles upon which our nation was built. As hardworking Americans, we must demand accountability and uphold the sanctity of our cherished traditions.
The post Kohler Doing Damage Control After CEO Admits He Never Uses Toilets appeared first on The Onion.
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By: The Onion Staff
Title: Kohler CEO’s Anti-Toilet Remarks Spark Outrage: American Values Under Attack
Sourced From: theonion.com/kohler-doing-damage-control-after-ceo-admits-he-never-uses-toilets/
Published Date: Tue, 27 May 2025 13:00:00 +0000
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